


Shout Out to My Ex

by GhostDetective



Series: Downton Mixes [4]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Closeted Character, F/M, Forbidden Love, Friendship, M/M, Multi, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 18:50:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14384916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GhostDetective/pseuds/GhostDetective
Summary: Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the manYou made my heart break and that made me who I amHere's to my ex, hey, look at me now, well, II'm all the way up, I swear you'll never bring me down





	Shout Out to My Ex

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics from a-z lyrics.

“This is a shout out to my ex  
Heard he in love with some other chick  
Yeah yeah, that hurt me, I'll admit  
Forget that boy, I'm over it” 

Thomas reclined in his chair in the Servant’ Hall, reading the evening paper. Most of the other servants had gone to bed now and only Miss Baxter remained, immersed in her sewing, but determined to keep him company. She had barely let him out of her sight since he had returned, given what had previously happened. Thomas was grateful. He didn’t know how to express in words how much it meant to have her there. He needed a friend, now more than ever. Thomas absently skimmed the announcements section, when something caught his eye. 

A Cambridgeshire Engagement  
An announcement has been made of the engagement of His Grace the Duke of Crowborough, Philip Cavendish and Lady Elizabeth Loftus, daughter of The Most Honourable Archibald Loftus, Marquess of Hereford, and Lady Anne Loftus, of Houghton Hall. 

There was a picture next to the article of the ‘happy couple.’ Philip’s smug face staring out at him. Thomas lowered the newspaper. He was fighting the duelling emotions of wanting to put his fist through Philip’s face, paper or otherwise, and not wanting to let Philip control how he felt. Why should Philip’s engagement mean anything to him? 

“I hope she gettin' better sex  
Hope she ain't fakin' it like I did, babe  
Took four long years to call it quits  
Forget that boy, I'm over it” 

So Philip had finally trapped an heiress, like he had always wanted. Well good luck to the poor woman, she was going to need it! He only hoped that Philip performed better on the wedding night than he had when he’d been with Thomas. Thomas had always had to exaggerate how big Philip was, but the truth was he was on the small side and it was always over very quickly, not that Philip cared if he was genuinely enjoying it or not. Thomas wondered how many times Philip had strayed already. Poor woman. There was one consolation, Philip had aged terribly. Served the bastard right! Thomas snorted. Baxter looked up from her sewing.  
“Are you alright, Thomas?”  
Thomas cleared his throat. Much as he was over Philip, the flood of memories had been more painful than he realised. After everything he’d been through, how it ended, and all that had happened since, to have the old wound re-opened like this, when he was at his lowest ebb; it hurt, more than Thomas had thought it would.  
“Yes. I’m fine.” His hands shook and he put down the paper.  
“What’s the matter?” Baxter put her sewing down and came over to kneel in front of him, taking his hands in hers.  
“It… It doesn’t matter…”  
“It does.” She reached up and cupped his cheek. 

“Guess I should say thank you  
For the "hate yous" and the tattoos  
Oh baby, I'm cool by the way  
Ain't sure I loved you anyway  
Go 'head, babe, I'mma live my life, my life, yeah” 

“It’s just that… Years ago, at Lady Sybil’s season, I met the Duke of Crowborough and we… We were lovers.”  
Miss Baxter nodded, knowing Thomas well enough not to judge him for his confession. Thomas continued.  
“We weren’t together for long, only a couple of months, but he wrote me letters. He told me that he loved me. He said that he would take me away to his estate, that I could be his valet and we’d wake up together every morning and listen to the birds singing.” Thomas snorted. “That was before I found out what he was really like. He came to Downton and it ended badly. He didn’t love me. He had never loved me.”  
“But you loved him.” Miss Baxter squeezed his hand.  
“I thought I did, at the time, but I didn't really. I was just young and stupid; but he hurt me. I think that was when it started to go wrong for me.”  
Miss Baxter nodded sympathetically. Of course, she knew what it was like to have been taken advantage of by someone she thought she’d loved.  
“I’m alright, really.” Thomas assured her. “I don’t care what he does. I just want to move on.”  
Miss Baxter looked like she was chasing her next words carefully. 

“Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man  
You made my heart break and that made me who I am  
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now, well, I  
I'm all the way up, I swear you'll never bring me down” 

Phylis took both his hands in hers.  
“When you think you love somebody, you only see the best in them; then, when you see the truth of who they are, you wonder how you never saw it before.”  
“They say ‘love is blind,’ we must have loved them very much.” Thomas huffed a humourless laugh. Phylis smiled sympathetically.  
“These experiences shape our lives. They are what led you and me to be here now and they’ll lead us to where we are meant to be. Sometimes, bad things have to happen to make way for something better. If I hadn't met Peter, I wouldn’t have stolen those jewels and I wouldn't have gone to prison, but I also wouldn't be here now, I wouldn’t have found you in time and I wouldn't be in the closest thing to home as I have ever known, with the closest thing to family that I have ever known. When you met Philip, you were a footman, but you have worked your way up and now you are the Butler at a grand house. I’m a great believer in fate, if something’s meant for you, it won’t pass you by. You should be proud of how far you’ve come.” 

Thomas looked down at her, swallowing thickly. He dried his eyes and managed a small smile.  
“Thank you.”  
Phylis pulled him into a hug.  
“That’s alright.” 

“Oh, I deleted all your pics  
Then blocked your number from my phone  
Yeah yeah, you took all you could get  
But you ain't getting this love no more  
'Cause now I'm living so legit  
Even though you broke my heart in two, baby  
But I snap right back, I'm so brand new, baby  
Boy, read my lips, I'm over you, over you” 

They separated. Thomas dried his eyes and Phylis took the newspaper from his hands.  
“Now, what shall we do about Philip?”  
“Punch his face in?” Thomas suggested hopefully. Phylis smiled.  
“I have a slightly safer idea.” She went to her sewing box and took out a pair of scissors. “We’ll cut his picture out of the paper and burn it. A symbolic gesture; one last ‘fuck you’ to a bad boyfriend.”  
Thomas laughed.  
“I’ve never heard you swear before.”  
“I have my moments.” She winked. Phylis flicked through the paper until she found the picture of Philip with his fiancee, before handing it to Thomas. “There you go.”  
“Thanks.” He took the paper and the scissors and neatly cut the section out. He then folded the paper, put it on the table and stood with Phylis in front of the fire.  
“Would you like to say a few words?” Phylis prompted.  
Thomas looked at the flames, then to Philip.  
“Philip, even though you are a complete bastard, I’ll never regret our time together, however much you hurt me. I did care about you once, but you’ve overshadowed my life for too long and I’m not going to let you do that anymore. Perhaps you’ll be satisfied in your new life, perhaps not, but I won’t be around to find out. I am releasing myself from you. I release you.”  
Thomas cast the picture into the flames and stood back.  
The fire took hold of it, eating away at the corners as the image curled into a charred ball, then fell into ash. Phylis took Thomas’ arm and he looked over to her.  
“Thank you.” He smiled. Phylis looped her other arm around Thomas’ and rested her head on his shoulder, watching the flames. 

“Guess I should say thank you  
For the "hate yous" and the tattoos  
Oh baby, I'm cool by the way  
Ain't sure I loved you anyway  
Go 'head, babe, I'mma live my life, my life, yeah” 

Phylis squeezed Thomas’ arm.  
“You did the right thing, you know, letting him go.”  
Thomas huffed a laugh.  
“It wasn’t that hard, really. I was a boy when I met him, Now I’m a man. He’s not part of my life anymore, so it felt right to let go. You were right, you know.”  
Phylis looked up at him, Thomas down to her.  
“Who knows where I’d be if I’d not met Philip, but I would be a different man and I wouldn’t be here now, with you, so I’m very glad that fate led me to where I am.” He put his other hand over Phylis’ and squeezed. “Thank you.”  
“It’s what friends are for.” She replied. 

“Shout out to my ex, you're really quite the man  
You made my heart break and that made me who I am  
Here's to my ex, hey, look at me now, well, I  
I'm all the way up, I swear you'll never bring me down” 

As Phylis and Thomas sat down together and watched the fire burn, Thomas felt a rush of gratitude. He had a job that he had always wanted and, more importantly, he had friends in Phylis, Mrs Hughes, Anna and the others who had become more of a family than his own. Philip may have put him though hell, but he was in such a good place now, that it didn’t seem to matter anymore. 

He leaned into Phylis. He was finally happy. 

“You'll never bring me down”


End file.
